Sunday, August 28, 2005

Me? An Addict?

Hi - I'm Christine and I'm a Web-a-Holic.

I spend countless hours each day checking emails, working on my website and occasionally this Blog, checking emails again and"surfing" the web. I have 5 pages of Yahoo groups (simple list) which I subscribe to.

I have denied the effect this is having on those I love the most. I've been blinded by the screen - not recognizing that my children and husband miss me and want to spend time with me. Wondering why in the world the kids get upset when they see me entering the computer room.

My house is in shambles. I need to read just one more email, add one more product, or see one more site - and then I'll get to it... Meanwhile the dishes are piled high, the workshop floor has disappeared, kid's toys are everywhere, weeds in the garden... Why is it that keeping house seems so ENORMOUSLY difficult these days??? Why is it so time consuming???

My mind has become as cluttered and disorganized as my home. I don't know where things are, I am forgetting things within seconds of being reminded, stress is beginning to take over and -"silly me"- I can't figure out why. Where has all my time gone?

I forgot how to relax. Put me in front of a computer, and I'm closed to the world around me, much like a happy clam in it's shell. Get me out of the house for a vacation, and it takes 3 days to finally forget about the damn computer waiting for me at home. THREE DAYS to begin to enjoy myself again. BUT, as soon as we walk in the door --- you guessed it -- computer is on with me parked like a zombie in front of it. Imagine trying to enjoy a one day outing when feeling pressured to get back home - "To take care of business".

Sleeping? What the hell is that??? Isn't 5 hours a night enough? Why the hell would I be grumpy? I went to bed early and got 6 hours.... (What are these Dark circles under my eyes?)

And what about doing the things I love most? Family time, spinning, knitting, felting, dancing.... They have all fallen by the wayside. A project which normally should take a week or so to complete, now takes months. It has become another source of stress. Why is it taking me so long to finish??? Once again, I don't have the time. Where has my creative spirit gone? Has it been sucked into this computer too? My initiative to create has been vastly diminished. What once was sheer enjoyment and relaxation has become burdensome and unenjoyable...

My life has turned to complete CHAOS! (Completely Helpless Against Online Surfing)

BUT NO MORE!!!!!!!!!

My computer time is now going to be greatly limited. I MUST GET BACK TO MY PRIORITIES!!! My priorities are FAMILY, HOME, and HEALTH.

I will play with the kids FIRST
I will clean the house
I will get enough sleep
I will RELAX once again!!!

For those of you who can relate to this - Please - do yourself a favor, turn off the computer NOW! If you have read this far you might be an addict too....

THANK YOU to the Blessed Soul who suggested I visit the website. I was trying to figure out why my home was so cluttered... But after implimenting just a few of FlyLady's suggestions - and some SERIOUS Soul Searching on my part - I have come to realize my real problem... It's ME - and my choice to spend this much time on this damn computer...

Recovery begins with just one step at a time.


Eileen said...

Great blog! I love your website too and I also need to join you in getting off the computer! Eileen

Anonymous said...

This was so well said! Thank you for sharing it! A few months ago, I too came to the realization that I was neglecting just about every area of my life and spending too much time and energy online. I read what reputable info I could find to learn about internet addiction. After that, it took some time to get over my denial and internal resistance. But in the end, I had to admit that I fit many of the descriptions. I was, in fact, an addict! So I'm in recovery. Now I limit my computer time. But it's not easy. I must remain vigilant, lest I find myself staring into the screen instead of living my life. Keep up the good work. -from a fellow fiber artist. :)